:)
Tuesday 16 January 2018 | 0 letters
moved to moandmu.wordpress.comi may come back to this blog one day... but it has stuffs that i don't like to revisit so... unlikely.
Tuesday 28 February 2017 | 0 letters
hello! it’s been a long, long time. i don’t have much time to blog currently, seeing that i’m running behind my work schedule (yet again).
life has been mostly okay. i hung out with my friends on nearly every day of the week. special mention: my trip to the zoo! so eye-opening. a nice, unexpected reminder to myself -- try new things! the animals were so, so, so, so adorable and beautiful. the giraffes were overgrown (so overgrown that their movements looked almost.. grotesque. yeah, truly. up close.). very adorable, regardless. :D imagine how frightened a baby giraffe would’ve been, when it had its grown spurt, amongst other little critters of the forest. such an overgrown species. i’ll write a simply happy story on this one day! bahahaha.
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is there even a god?
if i were a god, there wouldn't be any pain and suffering. i'd create a world where everyone’s happy. why must there be trials for us to earn our worth and happiness? it'd be very grand and romantic.. if suffering consistently reaped the happiness that we deserve. but it doesn't, at least not for many. how can we forget those who suffer their entire lives, or never get a fair share of the pie? some people argue that, well, there are also many others who are mostly content, and that’s how happiness is distributed. sure, but the grave injustice remains anyway. my happiness doesn't compensate for someone else’s misery. i'd create a world much better than that, if i were god.
or perhaps god chooses, or has no choice but to undertake a very passive role. so passive that the world is… like this (there's really no need for any description, right?). then.. i’d have no words, except -- are you sure you're deserving of that title?
the only way this could be fair is if afterlife was a part of the equation. going by a popular belief, good people will go to heaven, while bad people will suffer in hell. i mean, that’d work.
this recent disillusionment has been.. very jarring for me, considering how my other beliefs are inextricably linked to god. eg: i believe that demons, angels and ghosts exist.
we’ll see, after we die. maybe i’ll talk to you in my dreams, and tell you my findings.
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it hurts me too much. i.. don't think i'm deserving of all the good things i have now. my family, mostly. they have given me so much. i would've turned out so differently without them. probably a lot more unkind, a lot less happy, a lot more anxious.
BUT. i'm so happy tonight. i love spending time with my good friends. my heart feels so full.
honestly sometimes i have to just treat life simply. enjoy what i have now. because (nearly) all of the things i love have expiration dates. my biggest fear is forgetting anything about my family. forgetting anything about them. i don't want to forget.
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i've reached the peak and things can only go downhill.
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recently life has been feeling very empty. idk, idk, idk. i'll come up with a list of happy things next. because i can't stand my own emo ass.
