hi. last night (or this morning) i had a terrible nightmare. i dreamt that the person i love the most passed away. i woke up in tears, shaken and wretched. but!!! although it was a bad start to my day, the dream had some use. 

most importantly, that dream was probably the thousandth reminder to be appreciative of those who're still around us. the ones we love best. being kind and grateful to those who love you is often a choice. because the ones who love you will be there for you regardless and you know it too well. don't take that love for granted. our time is limited. (i don't think we can't really register this fact until something very bad happens to us) let's try to cherish them as much as possible, so we'll regret less later on. 

i think you get to truly keep someone you loved well even when they're gone. without guilt, maybe you'll be able to keep your memories of them, whole and untainted. and so they'll always remain inside you -- a quiet, fond, grounding presence. 

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coincidentally, i read the sypnosis of "flowers for my life" just a few days after i had that dream. it's nice to finally see a drama that doesn't add unnecessary melodrama to the topic of death. it already is charged by itself. 

the message of the drama was essentially this: let's celebrate life. 

i'm not lightly saying whatever i'm about to say. i don't want my funeral to be a gloomy one. that doesn't mean that i don't appreciate the traditional funeral ceremonies. because some prefer to stick to age old traditions. if they don't hurt others or themselves, then i can't judge their preferences. 

i'd rather have people celebrating life? hopefully, it'll be a ceremony with relevant songs that i like. let me make this clear: relevant =/= somber, at least to me. i don't balk at the prospect of listening to octopus garden by the beatles at my own funeral. (yes, i think i'd be observing (literally) invisibly.) i know that the people who love me will be sad, but i hope it'll be a happy closure for them? and also myself. because i may be watching them as a spirit. yes. 

mmmmm, i think i've blogged about this before. here are some of the songs i like very, very much and would really want to be played at my funeral:

-living in the moment by jason mraz (a last reminder to those i care about. and those i don't really care about -> coz we all know that people we barely know are likely to turn up at our funerals.)  

-somewhere over the rainbow by leona lewis and eva cassidy (yes two versions)

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-... give me a while to update this list. there're probably going to be 1/2 dbsk songs which have the type of meaning i want to convey to the funeral-goers.) 

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i've been reading a couple of ~afterlife~ fics, in which characters roam around as spirits, observing those whom they love. i... if someone told you you'd have half an hour to bid farewell to one person before your spirit left earth, would you accept the offer? i would. 

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thoughts on friday. here, i shall candidly reflect on that ~doomsday~. i haven't really had the chance to express all my thoughts on whatever that happened on that /very/ eventful day.

firstly, i attended my first-ever driving lesson. it was a little nerve-wracking initially, because actually driving is quite foreign to me. soon though, the nervousness gave way to boredom. i prolly drove around the circuit 20 times.

i started being scared out of my wits AFTER the lesson ended. because, you know, all the distractions were gone. then i lunched with my good friends. we ate very little together. or, in other words, we had no appetite together. blah blah, a few funny things happened before we received the results. 

i'm glad that i got what i wanted.

i'm glad that some of my good friends were happy with their results. you can only truly celebrate when everyone you care about is happy.