Efface

Some minor changes

Tuesday, 21 April 2015 | 0 letters

Nothing grounds me like familiarity. Uh but to my horror and relief, I'm starting to break out of my dependence on that for security.

Two years ago, I would've not considered these sorts of college choices and careers. I guess exploration and a little bit of bravery go a long way.

Sometimes I just want to suffer through the loneliness of living alone overseas. I know I'll suffer through it. But it still feels like a good, meaningful sort of pain. It's unusual because I can't say that about many other types of pain.

I also just want to experience new things for once.

I need to stop shortchanging myself now. Bye bye!

These few days have been exhausting. I seldom think this way but yeah, I feel like I'm a walking exhaustion. Actually, that's quite exaggerated, because I'm not very emotionally drained at the moment. Things just have been moving really quickly and I don't know what to feel sometimes. Yeah. Nothing really bad happened. I'm just tired and in dire need of good sleep. My commitments (around 4 major ones) don't really allow that sooooo I'll just try to survive this month with a strong spine.

This is a brutally honest reminder to myself: there is no such thing as "insufficient time" to complete IMPORTANT stuffs. If I had chosen to undertake H3 I would be spending around 10 hours a week on that subject alone, so. There will always exist a risk of shouldering too many responsibility. But hahahaah it's a fear that will nearly never be realised by myself bc I'm not that hardworking or strong. Of course right now I am speaking with respect to my current circumstances. I don't mean I have to spend 90% of my waking time on academics because that simply isn't feasible now. And I've never been able to achieve that for more than a day or so... Yeah!

A few things have been on my mind.

1. People. I suddenly discovered this unfeeling side to me. Anddddd it slightly unsettles me because I didn't know I was capable of this level of apathy before 2015.

2. Kindness. I don't know how kind I should be. Sometimes I don't want to pretend to be kinder than what I really am but I still feel obliged to be nice to people. For now, I'll just aim to be neutral, at worst.

3. Grades. Yeah. I am going to try my best to put in 90% for block test 2. (Only so I won't burn out before Prelims haha.) And 100% for prelims and A's.

4. Honesty. I feel like I'm becoming a slightly more honest + forthright person. It's a change that I'm welcoming with open arms. ❀❁✿

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Labels: Real life